Saturday, May 28, 2011

31 Days of May ~ Day 28

28.  A picture of me last year and now, and how I have changed.
I don't know that I've changed too much in the past year.  Maybe just another year older.  I have learned so much about photography.  That first pic is the first time Josh and I used the tripod to get pictures of us up in Logan Canyon with my new camera last year...oh and it was warm, not 50 degrees.  The first 10 pics were awful, the focus was on the mountains behind us instead of us.  That one is the best of the batch and it still isn't very good.  I love learning all I can about photography even though I have a beginner DSLR and don't have any fancy lenses, I still love it.  It inspires me daily.
I dared to go shorter with my hair and to straighten it more.
I've tried harder to accept my life for what it is and the life Heavenly Father has planned for me.  That doesn't mean I don't have my bad days because believe me, I do.  I still get in bed at night and cry silently to myself often, especially on the nights when Josh is at work.  I try to hide how much it hurts me that I haven't been able to and maybe even can't give Josh the family I know we both deserve.  It's something that seems so easy for others.  I get really angry and I mean ANGRY at people who can have kids and get pregnant so easily, especially when they can't take care of the kids they already have and take them for granted.  But that's on me, it's nobody's fault so I keep that to myself.  There are only 4 people who know how much I struggle with this.  Thank you to Josh, my mom, Shannon and Tara for listening to me and being there for me.  My friend Kenna has a quote on the side of her blog that speaks to me and I'm working on it.
She also said on her blog once, before she and her Josh adopted their adorable Boog, that she'd trade her best day without kids for someone's worst day with them.  I whole-heartedly agree.
I've applied to start my pre-reqs to get into nursing school.  I have a long way to go but I'm finally jumping on the bus to do something I know I've wanted to do since I was 16.

7 comments:

kenna said...

you are an amazing woman. keep it up.

you are always in my prayers, and i want nothing more than you for to finally get your little.

love you.

Tara said...

so true, but I also find the more we follow what we are supposed to do, and what we are supposed to be walking, the things we want fall into place. One way or another, I don't think people who are living right, and follow what they should have feelings of want for things they can't attain... The seed wouldn't be planted if there wasn't a fruit in the end.. It'll happen, and it'll be all the sweeter... you will both be great parents, when the time comes. Even if it's for my evil twin.. :) just saying.

Vicki said...

LOVE that Quote! We really aren't in control! Love you YOu will do great in nursing school!!

Vicki said...

I will always want you curly thick HAIR!!!

Treesa Porter said...

I love that quote and I love you!

Oprah had so many great quotes in her last show ... I think my favorite is from the Wizard of Oz and Wendy the good witch ... "you ALWAYS had the power." You have the power to do or be whatever you desire ~ don't stop HOPE-ing.

Marvett Smith said...

You are always in my prayers too! What a great quote. You hang in there. Things will work out.

P.S.- I love your hair!

Kellie said...

I love that quote so much, I may have to pass it on! I don't know how difficult it must be for you to want children and not be able to have any. I won't even pretend to. I just want to say that I think you're a really strong person, and I admire how you are handling this tough trial.