Thanksgiving Weekend

We had Thanksgiving with my family this year up in Franklin.  I got up early that morning to get my food assignments made, I made my Great Grandma's creamed corn and pumpkin chocolate chip cookies.  I got the cookies made and waited to make the corn til we got up to Franklin.  We got ready for the day then headed up. I had to get my day 10 FSH drawn and forgot about it, so we had to turn around and go back to our house to get the order.
We got up to Franklin and everyone was there.  I thought we would have time to get the corn at least half made before everyone got there but forgetting to get my blood drawn and the trip to the lab made us later than I wanted to be.  My aunts from Spanish Fork came up with their kids.  It was great to have them there for the first time, usually we go down there.
The dinner was delicious.  I found this brine recipe for the turkey and my mom made it, so good.  I ate til I was sick!
It was fah-reezing cold.  When we left Logan it was 1 degree, 1!  Way too cold!  When we got done eating, my sister took all the cousins who wanted to go over to Grilly Grove.  It's a hill behind where we used to live that we went sledding down all winter every winter.  We had lots of birthday parties there growing up between my brother and I.  I wanted to go with them but it was way too cold.  They braved it though but only lasted about 20 minutes then they were back.
Josh and Jade played some games of Chess.  And Wyatt and Jaylen helped.

We didn't do much on Friday.  My mom and I didn't hit up the Black Monday sales this year.  It was nice to sleep in and stay in my jammies all morning.  Josh got invited to go to the Jazz/Laker game with Cody and Tara.  He went and I stayed home, put Christmas music on and put up my tree.
Saturday we were planning on going down to Provo to see Jaimee and Jason while they were up here from Vegas.  We couldn't get in touch with them which bummed us out.  But Tara texted us and said they were standing in line for Harry Potter.

We hurried and got there just as the previews were starting.  I loved it, some things that I thought were important were either changed or left out but still  I loved it.  I really want to go see it again.  The whole time we were in there, I just kept hearing people cough and sneeze and sniffle and I just kept thinking okay, I'm gonna get sick, I don't want to get sick!  Thankfully, I haven't yet!  Loved the movie, can't wait for Part 2.  It will be bitter-sweet.
It was a fabulous Thanksgiving full of the people and things I love.

Things I'm So Thankful For This Year

~My Fantastic Husband, he truly is my best friend~

~My Awesome Family and In-Laws, they are our biggest support system~

~Our Furbabies, I don't know what I'd do without them~

~Our Fabulous Friends, Thank You for all the fun times~

Our Jobs, I'm so thankful we are both employed~

~I'm Thankful To Be An America, I love my freedom~

~The Gospel and my Testimony of it~

And so much more...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Jazz Vs Hornets

We went to the Jazz game Wednesday night with Cody and Tara.  I love going to Jazz games!

  Even better, we got to beat Chris Paul!  Our team is so different this year with a bunch of new players but we are doing really well.

It was such a fun game to be at.  During the 3rd quarter, the  Jazz Bear was going to slide down one of the stairways like he usually does.  But there was an obnoxious Hornets fan standing in the middle of the aisle preventing the Bear from sliding.  He came down and told him to move out of the way and people were pulling him into the seats.  The game started up again so the Bear didn't get to slide down.  The crowd was going wild booing this guy finally security came and escorted the guy out.  It was so loud in there!  They let the guy back in.  A few minutes later the Bear came walking down the aisle with a huge yellow balloon.  He snuck up behind the guy and stole his hat and ran back up the stairs with the guy following him.  The Bear tied his hat to the balloon and when the guy reached out to get it, the Bear let go and his hat went up to the top of the arena!  It was so funny!  Then a few minutes later the Bear came down with a huge cake and again, snuck up behind the guy and smashed it in his face, the crowd went crazy!  Then we had the Little Jazz Bear over by  us a lot of the game spraying silly string on people and he seemed to focus a lot on one guy.  He just kept coming back and spraying this guy.

It was so fun and I'm so glad Cody and Tara invited us!  Thanks guys!

Watching It Snow

There was a lot of coverage of the big now storm that was to hit Cache Valley and the rest of Utah on Tuesday. Schools were sending kids home early and when I got to work, the CEO had told our manager that he wanted all of us out of there by 1:00pm.  So we moved and rescheduled a lot of patients and Tara and I left at about 12:30.  It was so nice to be home nice and early for that storm.  It hit here at about 3:00 and it was a good one.  Josh woke up from working the night before right as it was starting and wanted to go to the store to get some munchies, so we braved the storm.  The wind was blowing so hard and it took us seriously 30 minutes just to get home which is only 8 blocks away. We got home and got snuggled under the blankets on the couch and watched it snow and watched my absolute favorite Christmas movie, Christmas Vacation!  I loved being home, snuggling with Josh and the furbabies and watching it snow.  The cats liked it,  too.

Coming Around

I'm going to try to put more of my feelings and struggles with infertility on here.  So I'm sorry to all of my readers (I think there might be 2) for taking you along on this miserable journey with me.  I felt a lot better after I posted this, although I cried.  A lot.  And all of your sweet comments were very much appreciated and they touched me so thank you for that.  So I thought since this is my blog, I'm going to start writing more of what I'm feeling on here.  That's not easy for me to do, I internalize things, but I'm gonna try because it made me feel better to get it out than to keep it in.  

Josh and I went to see my OB-GYN earlier this  year and he wanted us to go see a reproductive endocrinologist to further help us in our baby making.  So we  went in September.  He was really encouraging but couldn't figure out why we haven't gotten pregnant again.  We talked for a while about all the different treatment options we could do from trying Clomid again, IUIs, FSH injections and then into IVF.  It happened to be Day 4 of my cycle when we were there and when the doctor found out he wanted to do an ultrasound to check the follicles on my ovaries.  So there we were again, in the same room I had an IUI a few years before.  I felt like I was regressing.  I had been here before and it didn't work.  So my ultrasound looked good, I have 11 follicles on both ovaries which the doctor said that was a good number.  So I got dressed and had some blood drawn.  The doctor wanted me to start with FSH injections every month.  While we were on our way home, their office called and said based on my lab results the doctor changed his mind and wanted us to do an increased dose of Clomid for a few months and check my day 10 FSH level.  So we started in October.  Took Clomid 100 mg days 5-9.  I had my FSH drawn and the nurse called me a couple of days later telling me it was high but she needed my day 3 to get a baseline.  They didn't tell me to get a day 3 done.  So she sent me new lab orders and made sure I  had a refill on my Clomid.  I really hoped I wouldn't have to use it.  Then I started my cycle again.  It was awful.  I couldn't stop crying the night it started.  I  felt defeated.  I prayed and told my Heavenly Father that I now am turning it over to Him.  I went to work the next day with my puffy eyes trying to hold it together through out the day.  Then one of the ladies I work with came in and said her daughter is pregnant.  Dagger.  I  had to  get up and walk away so everyone didn't see me tear up.  I'm happy for her and her daughter, really I am.  It was just a bad day.  Then when I saw Josh when I got home, I just started crying again.  He felt so bad and was worried about me.  He had to go to school but then stayed home from work to be with me.  Then I felt bad he felt he had to do that.  I think he wanted to hide the knives, I told him he has nothing to worry about there.  I'm terrified of dying and am too big of a coward and not selfish enough to do anything like that.  I was in that awful, lonely funk for about a week.  Nothing anyone did made any of it better.  All of the advice was the same stuff I've heard for the past 6 years and frankly, it was getting on my nerves.  Nobody understands what that feels like.  They all say they do but they don't.  Unless you  have ached for a baby of your own and wanted nothing more than that for so long,  you have no idea of the pain.  I know that sounds terrible but it's how I feel.  All of my conversations were forced, I just wanted to curl up on my couch, in my jammies, under a blanket and watch movies that made me cry.

All that surrounded me was babies and dreams of having babies and my lack of having babies. I have these vivid fantasies of having our children snuggled up with us in bed on a Saturday morning just loving being together and holding onto the miracles that we've created and creating memories that will be so sweet and will be cherished for all Eternity.

I'm doing better emotionally now.  I have joined the land of the living again.  Until my next cycle starts, then it starts all over again.  Hopefully that won't be for a long while.  I haven't picked up my camera since Halloween.  No desire to.  I love it but just couldn't find the reason for it.  I'm going to try to change my attitude on that.  Even if all I take pictures of is the snow that just keeps falling at my house, that's what it will be.

Josh found these quotes for me when I couldn't stop crying.  They made me cry more but made me feel a little bit better because I wasn't going crazy.  Made me feel validated.  Other people feel the same way I do.  It's okay for me to have my negative feelings.  So here's a few of my favorites.

“If a tree falls in the forest, can anyone hear it? If an infertile bangs her head against the wall in a bathroom at a baby shower, can anyone hear her?”

“Don’t cry over spilt milk (unless you’re crying because you don’t have breast milk, then it’s okay to cry).”

“Millions of couples suffer from infertility, so why the hell is everyone pregnant but me?”

“Nature has got it all wrong: When you are younger, it should be harder to get pregnant, and as you get older it should be easier. When you are so ready, you can’t do it to save your life. And when you are 21, you are so not ready, but you are ripe as could be. The eggs should become more developed the older you get, not die slowly from the day you’re born. That’s one thing God got wrong.” – Halle Berry
Thanks to this site.

So here we go to more personal feelings on here.